Sub-personalities
by Carolyn Vincent
Sub-personalities are a part of us that have grown from the beliefs we have about our selves and life. They have formed in us as we were growing up from what was modeled for us from our Parents mostly and how we were treated and the experiences we had as children. Each belief we have splits in two and creates two opposing sub-personalities. We can become aware of them if we begin to listen to the things we say to ourselves and also through watching our behaviour. They can begin to run our life on many levels, if we let them. Each belief and sub we have forms an energy and that energy then attracts particular people and situations into our lives from what we believe about ourselves. Each is a mirror telling us something about ourselves for us to learn from and what it is we need to do for ourselves.
Some of my sub-personalities
I have many sub personalities that try to run my life and when they are good they are very very good! But when they are bad they are horrid! My Organizer, Achiever and Perfectionist Sub- personality's work mostly together, they know they can get the job done!
Now my Organizer sub likes to know what's happening and that everything is on time, its so organized that it believes "it" can do it all on its own, it doesn't need anyone else's help.
My Achiever likes to get somewhere and believes that "it" has to keep things going.
And my Perfectionist likes to see that nothings out of place and only it can do the job properly, but it also likes to tell me I'm never good enough and that I'll never equate to anything, "What can I do it says", UH! My Critic they're too.
But watch out when things aren't going as planned "OH" the anger and the confusion of "Why aren't things working out", my Organizer sub says. Which feeds into my Perfectionist and Critic that says that I'm never good enough because if I was good enough then things would be working out.
I love my Organizer, Achiever and Perfectionist Sub personality's for without them I wouldn't be the person I am today. They are a great team together. But I also know I need to do some work with them for they want to go full steam ahead, which is great for them but doesn't leave much room for anything else. I have become aware that they need to understand that life is a process and processes take time and things change all the time in this thing we call life. So how can life be Organized and Perfect all the time, it can't!
The Organizer who mostly comes from my Perfectionist sub doesn't like it when things aren't organized, it feels uncomfortable and unsafe that things haven't worked out in that time and space that "it" felt was allotted for that thing to happen in. It doesn't like things to be dumped on it at the last minute either or for things to be left till later. It has things worked out for everything to fit into that allotted time and space because it says, "Well that's when it's supposed to happen".
Recently I have had quite a few things that have been postponed till a later date or canceled all together and my Organizer sub felt annoyed and unsettled because it only feels secure when it knows what's happening in its (my) life, it doesn't like change.
And "OH" the unbearable confusion and chaos when things aren't running to plan!
Like the other night I went to Mini Ball with my son and on arriving was told "OH sorry no game to night its been canceled as the roofs leaking and the floors wet". So we were told to go home and my Organizer sub felt annoyed and said "Why hadn't they organized something else earlier for us or at least let me know before I arrived".
I hadn't realized at the time until the next day when I sat down to write this that I did talk to my subs and said. "Well maybe the roof had only just started to leak and it was too late to ring the school for the teachers to let the parents know". They had felt better then, but until then they wanted to blame someone for not letting me know in time that the game was canceled because ‘their' schedule had been upset. I guess when I look at that they had every right to feel annoyed but in saying that, sometimes there are things in life we have no control over.
Now my Achiever sub who just wants to go full steam ahead and keep things going then runs out of steam and says fuck it, what's going on now. It says to me "Why are we stopping I want to keep going and get the job done. It doesn't like it when things are slow or come to a stop. Its job is to keep the wheels in motion so that nothing ends. It has all this energy that it wants to use to keep going and when its can't it comes to a screaming halt and then goes on strike and says "Well I'm not going to do anything now".
So my Organizer sub feels angry with me that things aren't going to plan and my Achiever feels pissed of that it can't go full steam ahead with the thing that the Organizer thought I was to do and my Perfectionist just wants it all to be perfect.
So these subs are about control cause they like to have a format and order to go by in my life.
A realization has slowly been coming up for me about my subs and what they are trying to do. You see they actually feel insecure and scared because they are frightened of living in the Now!
Because if I'm in the Now then there is no future because I can't plan the future, I don't know what will happen tomorrow, I can have intentions of what might happen but it doesn't mean that it will.
So this throws my subs into chaos, they are frightened of letting go and scared of having nothing to hold onto. They want to know what's happening in my life, so they create law and order or else they feel lost and alone, they try to grasp onto anything that they see is some sort of security for them. They don't like to just go with the flow of life; they want to control it so they'll feel safe.
But they need to know that it's about letting go of the out come of anything because we never know what will happen and that what ever happens we'll be OK. There can be no expectations, for expectations hold us not in the Now but in another time.
So the huge realization here is that I actually have no control over my life because if things are going to work out, they will, and if not, then they won't! I understand that life has a plan for me and I can't stop that plan, all I can do is walk with it and that's scary, "I am scared of having no control over my life".
So what can I say to my subs – well first of all I can tell them that they do a wonderful job and if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be able to do all the things that I do. But I also need to explain to them that we can't plan our life because I don't know what will happen from one day to the next. And that even though I know they have good intention's, that sometimes things don't work out as planned and that it wasn't because I wasn't good enough, but that life change's all the time. And that the things that don't work out are a lesson for us to learn from and are trying to teach us that hey sometimes life has unexpected changes and that sometimes life doesn't work out the way we think it should! But that it doesn't mean that we won't be OK and that really I am perfect just the way I am. And that its OK to ask for help we can't do it all on our own. So I say to my Subs please bear with me, I love you dearly for the work you do, but it will be OK, what ever happens it doesn't really mater anyway. Life is a lesson to learn from whatever the out come!
I think one reason why my Perfectionist sub came on the scene was because my Dad left me many years ago and ‘it' believed well if ‘I' was perfect then he wouldn't have left me. My Perfectionist then believed that seeing I wasn't perfect then there must be something wrong with me and so developed my Critic, which is my Perfectionists opposite. They then grew in me to the extent that when ever I do anything now that might be OK, it doesn't last long before my Critic tells me its never good enough. Also as a child my Dad left me a few times, back and forth he would come only to leave me all together when I was 7 and then at 10 was the last time I heard from him for 27 years.
So I guess my Organizer sub came into play because I must of felt so unsettled with never knowing when my Dad (who was one of the most important people in my life) was going to be around for me. So I can understand why it likes to have everything organized and in its place and everything running to plan so it doesn't have to feel unsafe and insecure.
Now my Achiever just wants to keep things going cause its scared that if things stop in my life then that means there going to end and my Dad left which was a huge ending for me. I have found that any ending in my life has now become symbolic of my Dad leaving. My subs feel very unsettled when things aren't working out ‘the way they think they should be' and especially if they think someone or something is leaving my life. They try to hold on for as long as they can to many things in my life, even if things aren't working for me.
My Dad has come back into my life and wants to make it up to me, but I'm fucked if I know how. I have pretended for awhile that its OK but I'm aware that this has spun my subs into chaos, it brings up past hurt and they are angry and confused and want to be left alone. Well I guess I would feel angry that my Dad fucked off and left me all alone. So I can understand them feeling the way they do and not wanting anyone else's help and wanting to do it all on their own! But I also know they feel so alone. So it is interesting that all this is coming up for me with my Organizer, Achiever, Perfectionist and Critic sub's now that my Dad wants to have a part to play in my life. I am aware that they don't Trust that life will be OK. I guess because I trusted in him and he went away.
I am working on and walking with all this in my life at present and watching what my subs are doing. E.g. either pulling back because they are pissed off cause things aren't going as they like but they are still managing to be organized with other things in my life and getting the job done, on a smaller scale. But I am aware that they are not happy when things are going slow, as they need to have a focus in their life.
When I look at the bigger picture of what's happening here there is a message for me. One that I understand of the mirror that the Universe is showing me and what is it that I am putting off and postponing and not letting go of and not going ahead with in my life. And I'm pretty sure I know what it is! So what comes to mind is that maybe life is slowing things down for me so that I can focus on what it is that I need to be doing in my life.
Also I mentioned earlier that my life has a plan for me and I have come to an understanding through watching what happens to me when I fight my life's plan and try to control and stop myself from going in the direction that life has for me. Which is when my subs go into chaos and come to a screaming halt and go on strike and say, "Fuck it I'm not going to do what you want of me now". Because things aren't working out the way they want it to be. "What happens you ask" well when they fight and say no where not going to do what you want and its me who let's them, I then get physically sick. My body starts to have all sorts of aches and pains, some so unbearable. We all get different signs when were not going in the direction that our life plan has for us, for some like me it hits us physically, for others every corner they turn in life bad things happen to them or for others their work and money prospects dry up. So I have become sensitive to mine now and know that when I am on my life's path I stay physically healthy. And I now know I have no choice or control over what will happen in my life, all I can do is Trust that it will be OK.
Anyway that's some of my subs and what they do in my life, maybe it's been able to give you an understanding or insight into what some of yours might be doing in your life.
August 2004
Back to Psychosynthesis Articles
All content on this website (including text, photographs, audio files, and any other original works), unless otherwise noted, is licensed under a Creative Commons License.
Website Design by Graeme Wilson / Inner Path